Dear Seth Rogen

It dawned on me over my sister’s famous dessert, pkumpkin-pkie-pcake.  I told you to take the 52 Freeway.  I have been told I am not great with directions.  The thing is, my parents live off the 51 Freeway.  My bad.  For all I know, you and Billy Joel are stuck in the desert somewhere, sucking water from saguaro cacti.  As a Jew, you probably don’t know much about the outdoors.  The old western films would have you believe that you can open a cactus and drink its water.  Don’t do it, Seth Rogen.  The truth is, you sucking on a cactus will make your tongue swell.  You could get sick and possibly die.  Hope you brought a canteen. 

Although you were unable to join us for our Turkish festivities (and by Turkish I mean on the day of the Turkey, not origination from the country Turkey), you were in our hearts.  In fact, thanks to you, my family was able to rekindle some of our Jewish heritage. We poured you a glass of wine.  We said a prayer in your honor.  Baruch Atah Adonai. We even left the door ajar despite my mom’s constant fear that the cats would escape.  Seth Rogen, you were my family’s Elijah, and Thanksgiving became like Passover.  You are a miracle worker, Seth Rogen.  You found a way to reunite my family in the Jewish faith without even being there.  It was as if your Thanksgiving blessing passed over my house.  L.O.L. Ultimately, we decided to lock the cats in the bathroom.

I do hope you are not stranded on the side of the road somewhere trying to find your way to my house.  Just come to the shows at The Comedy Spot tonight and tomorrow night at 8pm. 

Thank you for everything you do, Seth Rogen.  Shalom.

Until then…

Debbie

I have a lot to do this evening in preparation for the Thanksgiving festivities. I am driving from Santa Monica to Phoenix at 5 o’clock in the morning in hopes of beating some of the holiday traffic. I’ve still got to do my laundry, pack my bags and make my famous “Turkey Jello.” Making it won’t be a problem, but will there time for it to settle and cool?

Apparently, my tight schedule is causing me to be rather forgetful. As I was packing my Hello Kitty duffel bag, it suddenly dawned on me, Seth Rogen… I never gave you directions to my parent’s house for Turkey Day! Write this down: You want to take the I-10 east to the 52. Exit Shea. When you get to my parent’s gated community on Tatum, buzz us on the call box. Just say, “It’s me, Seth Rogen!” We’ll open the gate. And if you could pass those directions along to Billy Joel, that would be helpful.

I made a mistake, Seth Rogen. I had a ladies only, pre-Thanksgiving, Thanksgiving reenactment dinner. I provided the bird. My girlfriends brought “Thanksgiving-y” dishes. Of course, everyone came dressed as a Pilgrim or Indian to help set the mood.

Apparently, Pilgrim costumes are a little harder to come by. My Thanksgiving reenactment dinner was sans Pilgrim. On the bright side, we all got along and nobody contracted smallpox.

Anyway, my mistake, Seth Rogen, was having Thanksgiving right before Thanksgiving. All week long I have had nothing but leftovers. I had a turkey omelet for breakfast, a turkey sandwich for lunch, and tonight it is was turkey burgers. Now, in just a matter of hours, I will hit the road for Arizona, where the state bird is the cactus wren. However, the wren’s meat is not nearly as tender as the turkey’s. And so every year at Thanksgiving, the Singer family gathers and eats, not a cactus wren (like the Arizona Indians used to eat), but a turkey.

Seth Rogen, did you know that Benjamin Franklin would have preferred the turkey be made the national bird of the United States? He called it a “bird of courage,” though he admitted the turkey was a little “vain and silly.” Just think, if the turkey were the national bird, we might be eating Bald Eagle on Thanksgiving.

Whether we are carving a Turkey, a Bald Eagle, or a Dove (Thomas Jefferson’s choice for national bird), I’d be honored to share a Thanksgiving meal with you, Seth Rogen. I really am so excited. Almost as excited as I am about my two shows in Scottsdale at The Comedy Spot. Just think, Seth Rogen, we’ll eat, we’ll laugh and you’ll meet my entire family. I have so much to be thankful for.

Until then…

Debbie

I was at The Hollywood Improv on Sunday night, thinking, “Where oh where is Seth Rogen?” Being a very big show, I knew that you would want to be there for support. Naturally, my mind started racing… Is he injured? Sick? Mugged? Did he convert to Catholicism and decide to keep holy the Sabbath?

Then, I saw Robin Williams arrive and I quickly realized that you must have sent him in your place to see me. I actually had no idea that the two of you were such good friends. And of course, I now realize that you didn’t join Robin on Sunday night because you knew that two mega superstars at the Improv would have created an uproar that could have debilitated the show. You are always looking out for others, Seth Rogen.

As if we didn’t have enough in common, Sunday’s show gave us another similarity. You see, Robin Williams showed up unannounced and he went up just before me. Do you remember (in the hit film, “Funny People”) when Adam Sandler showed up unannounced and performed just before you? He then helped your career by paying you to write his jokes. Well, this was just like “Funny People,” except without the joke writing, the career making, or the terminal illness plot that conveniently solved itself.

The whole experience was exhilarating, Seth Rogen! Did you know that I would do so well, despite performing after a comedy icon? Obviously you knew I would or you wouldn’t have sent him, L.O.L. Do you think it is more difficult for a comedian to follow Robin Williams or a musician to follow Billy Joel?

Speaking of Billy Joel, any word on whether he’s going to make it out for Thanksgiving?

Until then…

Debbie