Dear Seth Rogen,
Human beings often do things that are bad for them, blaming their destructive actions on the unquenchable urge to emulate their celebrity heroes. For instance, people drink alcohol to be more like Lindsey Lohan. People steal to be more like Winona Ryder. People even wear manga-like “circle contacts” (that may cause corneal abrasions and blinding infections) in order to look more like Lady Gaga in her “Bad Romance” video. Where will the destruction end, Seth Rogen?
The way I see it, as long as people are going to mimic celebrities, they may as well be doing something good for themselves. That’s where Heidi and I come in. As a celebrity, I know people will want to mimic whatever I do. And in order to maximize my positive effect on the community, I am teaming up with Heidi. Together we are going to spearhead the latest and greatest health craze… Acupuncture!
You see, Seth Rogen, I have been a lifelong sufferer of migraines. My neurologist suggested I try acupuncture to lessen the pain. Lo and behold, the ancient Eastern remedy worked like a charm. I can’t wait for the world to know so they too can reap the spoils of acupuncture.
Where does Heidi come in, you ask? Who is Heidi, you might also ask? Heidi is one of Hollywood’s fastest rising stars. She was recently discovered by a talent agent while frolicking in a park. According to her agent, her look was fantastic, and her skills stellar, but unfortunately for Heidi, she suffered from arthritis. As an actor, she was physically able to do the tricks demanded of her, but not as repeatedly and as often as required on set. Unless Heidi did something about her condition, her agent claimed she would only be able to do print ads. Heidi knew she was destined to be more than a pretty face. So, this blossoming talent went to an animal acupuncturist. Now she is able to move like a star.
So, you see, together Heidi and I will show the world that man and man’s best friend can both benefit from what will soon be the latest trend. The only problem is, I have not been able to make contact with Heidi. As it turns out, it is much more difficult to communicate with a dog than it is with a person like you, Seth Rogen. I’m doing everything I can to find her. I bring my pups to the dog park and make them stay alert for any sign of her. I’ve even brought them for some dog acupuncture of their own. If there is one thing I have learned, it’s that this is a small world, and the celebrity world is even smaller. Sooner or later Heidi and I are bound to run into each other.
If you happen to run into her before I do, please let her know I am looking for her. Your help means so much to me, Seth Rogen. Oh! Perhaps you would like to try some acupuncture as well! It might be more effective than the medicinal marijuana you frequently use to deal with your pain. Let’s work together to use our celebrity status to make the world a pain free place.
