Dear Seth Rogen,
I hate to report that I am in the midst of a family feud. And what’s worse, the family that I am feuding with has no idea that we are feuding. This family that I speak of is my own. Specifically, my father. That’s right, Seth Rogen, my dad - the man who is friends with your parents’ friend and the one whose existence connected us in the first place - is now vying for his piece of my “celebrity pie”… which happens to be pumpkin flavored for the holiday.
I know this must sound very confusing to you. I can understand that. How is it even possible for a father to begrudge his daughter the celebrity that she worked so hard for? How would a father even attempt to compete with his daughter? Well, Seth Rogen, leave it to my father, with his cunning yet crazy medical libertarian genius, to find a way.
My father, who once told me that I am the new face of comedy, is attempting to become the new face of medicine. Literally. You see, John C. Lincoln, a big Phoenix hospital, has decided to promote their surgical services with billboards. These billboards use the face of a local doctor to establish a sense of familiarity and compassion. John C. Lincoln asked my dad to provide his tender mug for the billboard, and he was only too eager to pounce on the opportunity. Now, when Phoenix drivers head down loop 101, they are forced to take their eyes off the road in order to view the 20’ x 30’ Richard Dreyfus look-a-like that is my father. On particularly bright days the sun will reflect off his shiny forehead, blind drivers, cause a traffic accident, and result in new customers for John C. Lincoln. Brilliant.
Back in Hollywood, I have only become the new face of comedy in the figurative sense. My agent assures me that I am a star, and explains that the reason I don’t get called in for auditions at the moment has nothing to do with a lack of funny. I probably don’t get called in, because at my level, an audition really isn’t necessary. I’ll simply be notified when a roll is created for me. But it’s not fair, Seth Rogen. In my father’s line of work, he has so many more opportunities to become a household name. It’s not as if actresses and comedians have the same opportunities to have their faces plastered on large signs. Unlike a surgeon, a comedian must actually do hard work to get recognized.
Seth Rogen, I don’t know what to do. My brother-in-law, Matt, was recently featured in the local Palo Alto paper for his veterinary tech skills, but his story was humbly tucked away on page 17. Matt understands where the spotlight in the family is meant to land and he didn’t push for the front page or a gaudy billboard.
How do I tell my dad that I am uncomfortable with his desperate need to compete with me to become the most successful Singer? I mean, a little competition is healthy, but I don’t want him to get hurt. He is simply a general surgeon in one of the most prestigious major medical groups, and I think it’s pretty obvious who would win that battle. ;) What would you do? You’re always there when I need you.
Debbie
