Dear Seth Rogen

It happens to every celebrity sooner or later.  It’s no surprise that it’s happening to me now.  With the stupendous reception of my one-woman show and my meteoric rise to fame, the timing is perfect.  That’s right, Seth Rogen, tomorrow morning I’m checking into the hospital.  Of course, I won’t be the first red head starlet to do so.  Just look at Lindsay Lohan.  Her skyrocket to superstardom was more than she could handle.   I think we can both relate to what that poor girl had to go through.

My therapist says it’s important to have compassion for others and their struggles.  Aside from Billy Joel, my therapist is the smartest person I know.  When I first began seeing my therapist, I told her that there was nothing wrong with me, except for my eating disorder.  Thanks to therapy, I now know I also suffer from low self-esteem.

But I’m not checking into the hospital for low self-esteem.  As it turns out, my endometrial cells are growing even faster than my career.  L.O.L.  I don’t want you to be alarmed, Seth Rogen, but you should know there is a small possibility that this procedure could leave me infertile.  Not to worry, I can always adopt.  In fact, that was already the next logical step on my journey to superstardom.  I’ve always said that if I have a boy I would name him Archibald, after Cary Grant.  A girl, Debbie Jr.   But if I were indeed barren, then I would name my adopted son, Baron.   I’d explain the deep meaning behind his name when he came of age.  And if I adopted a girl, Debbie Jr.  Then again, the name “Seth” makes a pretty strong case for itself these days.  It’s unisex, right?

You know what’s strange about being a celebrity and checking into a hospital, Seth Rogen?  The sudden outreach from the FANS.  Within seconds of the announcement, my biggest fan had booked a flight to come and care for me post op.  I tried to tell my mom that it really wasn’t necessary, but you know fans.  She insisted. 

Seth Rogen, what should I do?  If I let her cook me “get well meals” and clean my apartment, am I setting a precedent?  Will all future fans feel it is ok to do the same?  My therapist says it’s ok to set some boundaries.  She also says family is important.  I need your advice now more than ever.

Until then…

Debbie