Dear Seth Rogen

Much like a clock, the New Year makes one think about time.  How time passes and how things change, plus the things one would like to change. These desired changes often manifest themselves as resolutions.  One definitively states, most often to an audience of peers, what he or she will change in the upcoming year, subsequently opening themselves up for shame and ridicule when their goal is not achieved.

A failed resolution, Seth Rogen, is usually the result of an abstract resolution.  For example, “be nice to Mom” or “earn a paycheck” are far too general to be achieved.  It is best to have a very specific resolution.  I have two.

My first New Year’s resolution for 2010 is to get rid of the ear pimple once and for all.  Seriously, this is becoming a bit ridiculous.  I’m not even sure what to tell my doctor when he asks what ails me- a reoccurring pimple of the ear canal?  I am certain he will respond with laughter, and not the kind we comedians need to survive.

I don’t understand it, Seth Rogen.  After all, I eat right - all organic!  Then again, my doctor father will tell you organic makes no difference.  “We all have chemicals in our body.  It’s natural,” he says.  He’s a Libertarian.  I wonder if he knows that the founder of Whole Foods is also libertarian. Anyhow, I exercise regularly and I sleep an average of twelve hours a night.  And yet I am plagued with a reoccurring pustule of the ear. What would you do, Seth Rogen?  Hot compresses are hard to fit in such a tiny cavity.

For Chanukah my sister gave me a personalized skin for my Macbook.  Along with pictures of my dogs, was a diagram of my ear with an arrow pointing to my pimple. Will this be my legacy?  If I died tomorrow, would my gravestone read, “Here lies Debbie Singer… Her ear pimple lives on”?

My second resolution in 2010, Seth Rogen, is to finally meet face to face.  While our correspondence has been incredible (and has gotten me through some really hard times), in 2010 I resolve to take our relationship to the next level.  I should be able to knock this resolution off the list pretty early. I’m sure my dad’s friend’s friend told your parents to tell you about my show this Saturday night at the Spotlight Comedy Club that starts at 7:30p.

So let’s say I’ll see you there, and we’ll start this year off right.  Can’t wait to see you Saturday, Seth Rogen.  I resolve to be funny. L.O.L.

Until then…