Dear Seth Rogen

Have you ever seen more of a friend than you needed to?  This past weekend I went to the movies with three of my friends.  We saw “Youth in Revolt.” It was a delightful film.  After the movie, two of my friends went to use the restroom.  Having the bladder of a camel, I chose to forgo the commode.  I opted to wait for my two friends on a bench just outside the restroom.

My third friend also happens to have a camel-like bladder that enables him to go incredibly long stretches without urinating.  He sat down next to me and began to talk about books, I think.  To be honest, Seth Rogen, I really couldn’t tell you what he was talking about.   You see, my friend was sitting with his legs apart.  Normally, this isn’t a problem for men, but on this night the seam in the crotch of his pants had come undone.  And unfortunately, on this night, my friend decided not to wear underwear.

My friend, who I will now refer to as “Baller,” has teased me in the past, saying, “Oh Debbie, who wears underwear every day?”   Let me just say, Seth Rogen, that I do.  I wear underwear every day.  And to be quite honest, seeing Baller fall out in public makes a really excellent case for doing so.

Seth Rogen, this is where I must confess.  I did nothing about Baller’s situation.  I just left him hanging.  Literally.  I now realize that I should have said something, but you have to understand, this was not like telling someone that they had food in their teeth.  Though, that in and of itself can be quite traumatic.  Once, when my sister was thirteen, she broke up with a boy because there was spinach in his bicuspid.

But back to the situation at hand.   Baller continued to discuss whatever it was we were discussing.  I couldn’t concentrate on the words coming out of his mouth.  I was thinking about the sack coming out of his pants. My mind was racing:  How many people are looking at Baller’s balls? Did anyone see me see them?  Are they waiting for me to say something?

And then, just as fast as they fell out, it was all over.  My other two friends walked out of the bathroom.  Baller and I stood to greet them. The four of us walked away, leaving the rest of the moviegoers to think what they will.

Baller said good-bye to me at my car.  He invited me to a big party downtown, but I felt I had had quite enough excitement for one night.  I wonder if whomever he “hung out” with at that downtown party had an exciting night as well.  L.O.L.

Now I ask you, Seth Rogen, would you have had the balls to tell Baller about his ball?

Until then…

Debbie