Dear Seth Rogen,
My agent assures me that I am redefining comedy. He says I am not to worry about a recent lack of auditions. As my agent explains, “nobody goes on auditions April through September.” According to him, the industry essentially shuts down, which explains why he hasn’t returned my calls.
With this momentary pause in my breakthrough career, I took some time to celebrate my little sister and her accomplishments. My family and I have always been supportive of my sister, even if her goals are pedestrian. So, this past weekend, when she graduated with her Doctorate in Psychology from Stanford, I proudly put on a supportive happy face, went up to the Bay Area, and celebrated.
The graduation was an extravagant event. Not Academy Awards extravagant, but daytime Emmy extravagant. And like any good award show, recipient after recipient shed a tear. As the students received their diplomas and made their parting speeches, they were overwhelmed with emotion. I sat there, wondering why these young adults would bother getting so worked up when there wasn’t a single national television station covering the event. Of course, the students blamed their tears on cliche excuses, like saying goodbye to close friends, not knowing when their paths would cross again, and finally achieving their “lofty” goals. I instantly saw through the charade. You can’t pull one over on me, Seth Rogen! These students were actually crying because something was missing from their graduation.
I have always prided myself on my ability to read others. Though an actress by day, one might say that I am an amateur psychologist by night. You pick up a few things here and there when you commiserate about your mother with a sister that studies psychology.
So, while sitting in the back of the auditorium, it suddenly dawned on me. I knew what they were thinking. They were thinking, “Debbie Singer let us down.” I was overcome by a wave of guilt.
It was all my fault, Seth Rogen! How could I be so obtuse? These students were crying because I had completely forgotten to invite you to the graduation! Thinking back, it should have been so obvious. One of my sister’s friends even asked me if I expected you to show up. He then laughed uncontrollably, clearly giddy at just the thought of meeting you. I feel such remorse for not telling you about my sister’s “big day.” Not just because it would have made those graduates’ day, but because I think you would actually like my sister. Despite her simplicity, you two have much in common. You both have curly hair, and you both are dear to my heart. Surely friendships have been built on less.
While I cannot undo this past weekend’s blunder, I ask that you do not punish my sister for my short-sightedness. Please know that it was I who didn’t think to invite you to the graduation, not my sister. I acted alone. I hope you will accept this apology, and not slight her on her next big day. She will make a beautiful bride this summer, and I know I speak for the entire family when I say we would love to see you there.
Until then…
Debbie
