November 2011
1 post
17 tags
Dear Seth Rogen,
When I was a wee child, I had a goldfish that I loved very much. My love for said goldfish inspired me to name him or her Grover. You may not understand the meaning behind the name Grover, being from the far off land of Canada. I’m not sure if they even had television in Canada when you were growing up, let alone the critically acclaimed children’s series called Sesame...
October 2011
1 post
19 tags
Dear Seth Rogen,
Perhaps you are not aware, but the United States Postal Service is on the verge of bankruptcy. Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night could hinder the postal service, but apparently 300 million citizens who prefer texting and emailing will do the trick. Unless the US government bails them out, well, I don’t want to picture a world without mailmen. Though to be honest, I...
September 2011
1 post
13 tags
Dear Seth Rogen,
This past week the New York Television Festival screened my pilot OB/GY Anne at the Tribeca Cinemas in Manhattan. Millions were invited. Dozens came. And can you believe my incredible good fortune? In much the same way you received an Emmy nomination for your fine writing on the 2005 season of Da Ali G Show, I too was nominated for best writer. Seth, you and I are so alike in so many...
February 2011
1 post
12 tags
Dear Seth Rogen,
Wow! You really do come through for your friends. Your latest act of good will thrust in my direction has certainly made my winter. I mean, I just can’t thank you enough for convincing Samm Levine to star along side me in OB/GY ANNE, the hilarious sitcom pilot I just shot! And you are so modest, Seth Rogen. You never once mentioned to me that you’d be getting in touch with Samm.
...
November 2010
1 post
13 tags
Dear Seth Rogen,
I hate to report that I am in the midst of a family feud. And what’s worse, the family that I am feuding with has no idea that we are feuding. This family that I speak of is my own. Specifically, my father. That’s right, Seth Rogen, my dad - the man who is friends with your parents’ friend and the one whose existence connected us in the first place - is now vying for his...
September 2010
1 post
14 tags
Dear Seth Rogen,
Did you know the average person has one hundred fifty thousand hairs on their scalp? I am a lover of hair. I love looking at it, washing it, and styling it. On more than one occasion I’ve been referred to by myself as an amateur hair stylist. The great thing about hair is that it is so versatile. Most people don’t realize the diverse uses for the filamentous bio-material ...
August 2010
1 post
10 tags
Dear Seth Rogen,
Human beings often do things that are bad for them, blaming their destructive actions on the unquenchable urge to emulate their celebrity heroes. For instance, people drink alcohol to be more like Lindsey Lohan. People steal to be more like Winona Ryder. People even wear manga-like “circle contacts” (that may cause corneal abrasions and blinding infections) in order to look...
July 2010
2 posts
24 tags
Dear Seth Rogen,
My mother has always stressed the importance of skin care. Every time she visits, she brings me obscene amounts of dermatological merchandise. A serum for the eyes, an ointment for the lips, a balm for the smile lines, and a specially formulated nighttime repair salve. Plus, the “free gift with purchase” lipstick. With a wrinkle free wink, my mother promises me eternal ...
13 tags
Dear Seth Rogen,
I am being sought after by a cult. Of course, I’m not the first celebrity to be coveted by a cult. Scientology, for instance, has been recruiting celebrities for years with celebrity recruitment centers that span the globe. If you are a celebrity (which you are, L.O.L.), they even wave the $1000 fee for an auditing course. No wonder fellow comedic actresses like Laura Prepon and...
June 2010
2 posts
13 tags
Dear Seth Rogen,
The other morning, there was a woman dressed in rags sitting on the curb outside my neighborhood Whole Foods holding a sign that read, “Your Fortune For Food.” Normally I am not one to buy into psychic psychobabble, but this woman was different than most that claim clairvoyance. You see, Seth Rogen, as I trotted along, she called out, “I’m a psychic to the stars!” Naturally, being a rising star...
10 tags
Dear Seth Rogen,
My agent assures me that I am redefining comedy. He says I am not to worry about a recent lack of auditions. As my agent explains, “nobody goes on auditions April through September.” According to him, the industry essentially shuts down, which explains why he hasn’t returned my calls. With this momentary pause in my breakthrough career, I took some time to celebrate my...
May 2010
2 posts
14 tags
Dear Seth Rogen,
You must be exhilarated by the recent announcement that good friend and confidant, Judd Apatow, will be producing “Wanderlust,” a new film starring your old buddy, Paul Rudd, and directed by David Wain. My guess is, with so many of your friends working on the project, there is going to be a role for you on the film as well!!! Seth Rogen, with no less than six other films in...
18 tags
Dear Seth Rogen,
I am so excited that you and Billy Joel are coming to my one-woman show. I am saving a seat for both of you up front. And be careful, my show does call for audience participation. L.O.L To be honest, Seth Rogen, I am a little worried. My show has music videos that pay homage to hit songs of the past. However, even though I am a huge BJ fan (I’ve been told I have taste in music like...
April 2010
2 posts
10 tags
Dear Seth Rogen,
I remember when Facebook used to be about camaraderie. In the past, the post, “Debbie is grumpy cause she’s working late on a Friday,” would be met with the friendly response, “I’m grumpy and working late, too!” Or, “Working late sucks!” Or, “Stick it to the Man!” People united on this social networking site.
But the times, they are...
21 tags
Dear Seth Rogen,
Every family has a black sheep. That one individual considered an utter disappointment. For some, it is the estranged uncle with the mustache and prison record. For others, it is the son who couldn’t muster the grades to make it into his father’s law school. My family is no exception, Seth Rogen. We too have a black sheep.
Until now, you have hardly heard me mention the...
March 2010
5 posts
20 tags
Dear Seth Rogen,
This past Monday night, Barack Obama hosted a Passover Seder at the White House. This tradition started in 2008 when three of the President’s Jewish aides were practicing their faith in the basement of a Pennsylvania hotel. Obama walked by and asked, “Hey, is this the Seder?” Apparently it was. Barack joined the low level aides and the Passover tradition has lived on in the Obama...
24 tags
Dear Seth Rogen,
I’m afraid I have a celebrity stalker. I’ve heard tales of celebrity stalkers on prestigious news programs such as TMZ and The Insider, but I never imagined I would be a stalkee. The craziest part, Seth Rogen… I am being stalked by another celebrity! Yup, a celebrity celebrity stalker. What are the odds?
My story begins a few months back, when I was just a fetus of a celebrity, forcefully...
14 tags
Dear Seth Rogen,
After my Versed induce nap and brief stay at the hospital, I was feeling refreshed and light as ever. It must have been the extra endometrial tissue my OB/GYN removed, L.O.L. While reading the many “Get Well” cards from my fans, I began to reflect. I realized, Seth Rogen, I am indeed a lucky lady. I’ve been blessed with the ability to enrich people’s lives with laughter. If...
3 tags
Dear Seth Rogen,
I made it through alive and with my uterus intact. I know your thoughts and prayers had a little something to do with it. Couldn’t have done it without you.
Until then…
Debbie
8 tags
Dear Seth Rogen,
It happens to every celebrity sooner or later. It’s no surprise that it’s happening to me now. With the stupendous reception of my one-woman show and my meteoric rise to fame, the timing is perfect. That’s right, Seth Rogen, tomorrow morning I’m checking into the hospital. Of course, I won’t be the first red head starlet to do so. Just look at Lindsay Lohan. Her skyrocket to...
February 2010
3 posts
10 tags
Dear Seth Rogen,
This is a big week for me. First of all, my one-woman show, “The Three Year Plan: How To Marry a Man in 1,095 Days” goes up at the UCB theatre in Los Feliz on Wednesday at 6:30pm…
Second of all, I have a callback for a major motion picture comedy. Only a short while as a mini celebrity, and already I am being typecast. I’m up for the part of a character named, “Funny Jewish Friend.” ...
8 tags
Dear Seth Rogen,
A Valentine for you…
Until then…
Debbie
14 tags
Dear Seth Rogen,
People are coming up with strange excuses to see me. Ever since my recent House of Blues show with Jeff Garlin and professional wrestling legend “Rowdy” Roddy Piper, I have had a bit more notoriety.
I feel my world is changing, Seth Rogen. I always knew this day would come, when I would cross over from a “Dime A Dozen Deb” to a minor celebrity, on my way to eventual superstardom. But...
January 2010
4 posts
13 tags
Dear Seth Rogen,
I am in the midst of an unseemly medical mystery. In times like this, having a father who is a doctor comes in handy. It is especially helpful that my father is a doctor of medicine, as opposed to one of the many other fields that might bestow a doctorate degree. I’m not saying that other types of doctors are any less important. I’m just saying I wouldn’t ask former Enron CEO Kenneth Lay...
9 tags
Dear Seth Rogen,
Have you ever seen more of a friend than you needed to? This past weekend I went to the movies with three of my friends. We saw “Youth in Revolt.” It was a delightful film. After the movie, two of my friends went to use the restroom. Having the bladder of a camel, I chose to forgo the commode. I opted to wait for my two friends on a bench just outside the restroom.
My third...
7 tags
Dear Seth Rogen,
After a twelve-hour sleep, a trip to the gym, and an organic açai berry smoothie, my morning was off to a great start. I rolled the windows down and took in a deep breath of the sweet Los Angeles air. That’s when I smelled it… that pungent smell that promises to kill me slowly over time: second hand smoke. I instantly began to seek out the culprit. Who is this vile murderer? I prepared...
10 tags
Dear Seth Rogen,
Much like a clock, the New Year makes one think about time. How time passes and how things change, plus the things one would like to change. These desired changes often manifest themselves as resolutions. One definitively states, most often to an audience of peers, what he or she will change in the upcoming year, subsequently opening themselves up for shame and ridicule when their goal is not...
December 2009
2 posts
7 tags
Dear Seth Rogen,
I am thinking of changing my phone number. Time and again, I am getting calls from a blocked number. Naturally, I don’t want to answer for fear of being asked if I like scary movies. Or worse, the person on the other end may know what I did last summer. You probably don’t have that problem Seth Rogen, ‘cause you probably have a personal assistant answering your phone.
For a...
14 tags
Dear Seth Rogen,
I’m exhausted. My days and nights have been spent analyzing photographs. Photo analysis isn’t a typical hobby of mine, but I recently hosted a murder mystery dinner party. I’m sure my dad’s friend’s friend forwarded you the invitation. The theme was Lights! Camera! Murder! (©nightofmystery.com) It was really quite decadent, Seth Rogen. The dinner party was a post-Oscar potluck. We were all...
November 2009
9 posts
11 tags
Dear Seth Rogen,
It dawned on me over my sister’s famous dessert, pkumpkin-pkie-pcake. I told you to take the 52 Freeway. I have been told I am not great with directions. The thing is, my parents live off the 51 Freeway. My bad. For all I know, you and Billy Joel are stuck in the desert somewhere, sucking water from saguaro cacti. As a Jew, you probably don’t know much about the outdoors. The...
18 tags
Dear Seth Rogen,
I have a lot to do this evening in preparation for the Thanksgiving festivities. I am driving from Santa Monica to Phoenix at 5 o’clock in the morning in hopes of beating some of the holiday traffic. I’ve still got to do my laundry, pack my bags and make my famous “Turkey Jello.” Making it won’t be a problem, but will there time for it to settle and cool? Apparently, my tight schedule is...
WatchDear Seth Rogen,
You ever been cock blocked? Well, I’ve been vagina blocked and I can’t stand it. (www.projectrant.com)
See you tonight at The Spotlight Comedy Club! We can talk about it there in person.
Until then…
Debbie
6 tags
Dear Seth Rogen,
It is my fault, not yours. I take full responsibility. I thought that after the magic you pulled with Robin Williams, and then my celebrity sighting, you were capable of anything. But even you, Seth Rogen, are human. Apparently, your powers cease in La Crescenta. My therapist has always told me that I have a tendency to either put people high on a pedestal, or deep in the mud. You see, I have...
8 tags
Dear Seth Rogen,
Today, I got recognized! I, Debbie Singer, was someone’s celebrity sighting! It was an amazing experience. Not that I need to tell you what it is like, Seth Rogen. You must get spotted all the time.
Here’s how it happened: I was simply minding my own business, updating my facebook status while standing in line at Sprinkles, when a woman approached me and asked my name. I said, “Debbie...
8 tags
Dear Seth Rogen,
I was at The Hollywood Improv on Sunday night, thinking, “Where oh where is Seth Rogen?” Being a very big show, I knew that you would want to be there for support. Naturally, my mind started racing… Is he injured? Sick? Mugged? Did he convert to Catholicism and decide to keep holy the Sabbath? Then, I saw Robin Williams arrive and I quickly realized that you must have sent him in your place...
10 tags
Dear Seth Rogen,
This is the big one. I’m performing at the Hollywood Improv! I know you’ll be there. Everyone will be there. The truth is, I’m nervous, Seth Rogen. The Hollywood Improv is a very big venue and, well, I have a callous on my foot. A foot callous might not sound like a big deal, but I’ve been watching “Top Chef: Las Vegas.” Just last week, Chef Michael...
5 tags
Dear Seth Rogen,
I sleep with my eyes open. I am told that I don’t even blink in my sleep. As you might imagine, this has an incredibly drying effect on my baby blues (or greens depending on what I’m wearing). Years ago, I started using eye drops on a daily basis. Soon, regular drops were not enough, and I switched to an extra thick eye drop with a “Dr. Recommended” label.
Lately the problem has gotten...
4 tags
Dear Seth Rogen,
I got an interesting email the other day. As it turns out, my mom’s friend Dereck (the contractor) has a friend whose cousin’s daughter, Kipper, is looking to become a standup comic. Word got out that I’m a writer, actress and standup comic, so obviously they want me to help out. According to the thrice-forwarded email, this Kipper wants me to read her jokes sometime, maybe introduce her to...
3 tags
Dear Seth Rogen,
It is Halloween night, and I have decided to go as a ballerina. When I was a kid, I always wanted to be a ballerina, a doctor, or a schoolteacher. I wanted to be a ballerina because I liked wearing a tutu. I wanted to be a doctor because my dad is a surgeon. I wanted to be a schoolteacher so I could give the kids who were mean to me bad grades… and because I liked holding chalk.
These...
October 2009
8 posts
Dear Seth Rogen,
I have recently become fascinated with the prospect of growing my own tomatoes. I have a friend with a Topsy Turvy grower. Have you seen one of these, Seth Rogen? They suspend the tomato plant upside down for optimum growing conditions. I have a balcony. My balcony is barren, a constant reminder of emptiness and death. I desire to fill my balcony with Topsy Turvy tomato plants and bring it...
4 tags
Dear Seth Rogen,
As a child, I was an avid reader. My parents thrust great literature upon me, and I gorged myself on it like a high school swim team at Hometown Buffet. I remember in one particularly insightful book, Grandma Bear explains that she can feel things in her bones. At first I was skeptical, but I should never have doubted The Berenstain Bears. They were always teaching me something. Now, as an...
7 tags
Dear Seth Rogen,
My biggest problem with the Belly Room at the Comedy Store is that the walls are painted black. Not that I’m a racist. Some of my closest friends are black. It’s just that with the black walls, and the dim lighting for “ambience,” I was unable to see you in the audience on Monday night. You probably parked at one of those one hour meters and had to leave as soon as my...
5 tags
Dear Seth Rogen,
I am so sorry you were unable to make it to my show this past Friday. I understand Friday nights can be difficult, especially with all the traffic here in LA. Plus, I’m sure the news this week kept you glued to the television set. I was almost late for my own show at the Spotlight Comedy Club because I couldn’t tear myself away from the balloon boy aftermath coverage. I’ve always been a...
4 tags
Dear Seth Rogen,
Tonight is the big night! We meet face to face at last! I can hardly wait! All week long I have been keeping myself on a strict regime of gogi berries, exercise, and sleep. I wanted to make sure I was ready for our encounter at The Spotlight Comedy Club at 7:30pm. So much in this world is out of our control, that I think it’s important to take control of what we can. After all, flu...
Dear Seth Rogen,
Can you believe the week is going by so slowly? This morning I thought to myself, “I wonder what silly antics Dwight will pull on NBC’s The Office tonight?” Then I realized, “Wait a big fat minute, Debbie - it’s only Wednesday!” Wow, I guess I just can’t wait for my Friday night standup show when you and I finally meet in person.
This past weekend I went to a lawn bowling party. Lawn bowling...
3 tags
Dear Seth Rogen
Dear Seth Rogen, I’m sure that by now my dad’s friend’s friend has sent your parents that email with the link to my website (debbiesingercomedy.com) to forward to you. Did you just love the cornucopia of entertainment that my site offered? And as promised in the letter, I am happy to have my people contact your people with my sitcom pilot. I am sure you will love that as well....